I'm a little anxious right now because of all the FAFSA business. I don't really understand anything that anyone's told me. I get scared because of the fact that I have no one to refer to. Aside from that, anyone I want to ask is living the college experience already and are busy with their own work and activities. Somehow, this lonely feeling is bringing me back to my childhood. Oh joy.
I feel like I'm sinking further down into solitude again. The adults don't help either due to the fact that they're always asking me why I'm not in college and why I'm just sitting here in the house doing nothing but chores all day and why I don't do something about this whole situation. You want to know why? I have to wait to see the results in about two and a half weeks, I have to do something all day besides meditate over the worried thoughts in my head (plus I like to help my mom out), and I AM doing something about it.
I've been doing so much all this time!! Here I am trying not to get pissed at people but they won't stop talking about this. These questions are still asked every day by the same people over and over. I'm getting sick of it and I can't tell them anything because then they get offended and I end up looking like I'm being cruel. I get to the pont that the frustration is almost as intense as my spiraling doubt and worry.
I just want to forget about this feeling within and have some fun for once, like I did this Saturday. I didn't have to freak about everything or wonder if this would work out in the end. I couldn't ponder about anything that would bring me down because the pensive part of me was drowned out by laughter. That sense of freedom was so refreshing. I was among people who wouldn't recall the college conflict, if you will. All we were concerned about was if we could get to the movie and buy the refreshments. That was it and that made me so happy.
For now, all I can do is hope for the best as the spring semester draws near and try to reason some optimistim in my mind right now. At least, I can figure out how any of this college stuff works anyway, even if I do have go through it somewhat alone. So all I can really do is wait and buy some R&B and classical to calm my sea of nerves.